Franz & Joseph Record Shop, Kastanienallee, Prenzlauerberg

Not *just* an Unfriendly Berlin Shop, but possibly the most unfriendly shop in the world. Period.

This exchange, from February 2014, has been confirmed to me separately by three different Berlin friends as absolutely typical and par-for-the-course:

Me: <browsing through the Lou Reed section, looking for Street Hassle>
Unfriendly Berlin Shop: "WHAT DO YOU WANT?"
Me: "Street Hassle. But... <with apologetic smile>... it seems to be the only one you don't have."
UBS: "Oh, I have it."
Me: <long pause> "I can't see it."
UBS: "I have it."
Me: <even longer pause> "Er..."
UBS: "I have it."
Me: <wondering where it is? Positively Pinteresque pause>
UBS: "ANYTHING ELSE YOU WANT?"
Me: <confused. I want Street Hassle> "Er...The Beach Boys' Pet Sounds?>
UBS: "YOU CAN'T AFFORD IT!"
Me: <dumbfounded - but willing to give UBS benefit of doubt that (speaking English) he means shop doesn't take cards, and I won't have enough cash on me> "Why...how much is it?"
UBS: "60 euros"
Me: <apologetic laugh> "Ha! You're right, that is expensive. Is there a reason why...It must be a first edition, or..."
UBS: "GET OUT OF MY SHOP. GET OUT OF MY SHOP!"

<watched by aghast Japanese tourists, I exit.>

Filmstube Berlin, Maybachufer/Ohlauerbruecke, Neukoelln

Thursday 27 February, with my 7-year old son:

<After looking in the kids section, the animated section, and the Simpsons' section of the TV section>

ME: "Er...do you have 'The Simpsons - The Movie'?"
UNFRIENDLY BERLIN SHOPKEEPER: "Shit, shit, shit. Why do I have to look through thousands of films for you...?"
7-YEAR OLD: <aside> "That wasn't very friendly!"
UNFRIENDLY BERLIN SHOPKEEPER: <continues grumbling loudly>
ME: <sings The Simpsons theme tune>

Call In Shop, Reuterstr, Neukoelln, Berlin

My nearest Spaetkauf…Wednesday, Feb 5, 2014:

I need to print something.

Use their single, tinny, computer.

It freezes…immediately.

I wait….it will not unfreeze.

I switch it off…and on.

It freezes.

I switch it off…and on.

It freezes.

I switch it off…and on.

It freezes.

I give up…go to the Unfriendly Berlin Shopkeeper behind the counter.

ME: <Before I can say anything>

UNFRIENDLY BERLIN SHOP KEEPER: “60 cents!”

ME: “Er…it will not work. It freezes. Gestoppt, drei mal.”

UBS: “Why you not tell me, why you sit there for 30 minutes?”

ME: <Flummoxed. Was 10-15 minutes> “Er, so can you make it work?

UBS: “60 CENTS!”

ME: <Pause> “Okay…I pay you 60 cents. But I live opposite - and now I will never shop here again. Is that what you…”

UBS: <Interrupting> “JA, JA, JA <something something something unintelligible in German>

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